Is Self-Care Selfish?
On airplanes we are told that in the event of a drop in cabin pressure, we should secure our own oxygen mask before helping others with their masks. We know why this is: if we neglect our own mask while helping others, we will soon pass out. Not only will this put our own health in danger, but it will render us incapable of helping those around us. If on the other hand, we ensure that our own mask is in place first, we make ourselves capable of continuously helping others nearby.
In the context of the airplane oxygen mask, we understand how taking care of our own needs is in the best interest of those around us; yet in life we often put the needs of others ahead of our own so consistently that it leads to a decrease in our own well-being. We put in long hours at work, take on additional responsibility, open our calendars to any invite, devote time to family, agree to social engagements with friends and acquaintances, donate time and effort to teams, clubs, and other organizations, and often have little to no time and energy left to devote to our own well-being. This can leave us tired, stressed, overwhelmed, overbooked, and otherwise stretched into a lesser version of ourselves.
While devoting time to help others and further causes beyond ourselves is one of the highest pursuits in life, we must remind ourselves that anyone in a position of service to others has a responsibility to maintain a level of well-being conducive to continued service. A company that sets its prices too low will eventually go out of business and lose the ability to serve its customers. A surgeon who never rests is bound to make a critical error. A horse that pushes itself a mile too far, will leave its rider horseless.
In addition to providing continued service, the quality of that service is also worth consideration. While generous in the short-term, an all-give-no-take approach will eventually lead to a degradation in our ability to provide quality service. A lack of energy leads to less action; frustration leads to irritability and an unpleasant presence; a full-calendar leaves no flexibility if something truly important comes up. Even if we don’t reach the point of being overbooked, irritable, and burned out, we could be missing out on a sharper, more energetic, and generous version of ourselves.
Devoting time and energy to your own well-being while others need your assistance may feel selfish intuitively, but it is far from it. If we truly care about serving those around us, we must build ourselves into someone with the wherewithal to help others by devoting regular attention to maintaining a level of well-being that supports continued quality service to the people and causes we care about most.
What steps might you take to ensure that your oxygen mask stays in place?